Dear Microsoft Customer:

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Deep South
edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped to the
northern USA.  If you have
one of the Deep South editions you may need some help understanding
the commands.

The Deep South edition may be recognized by looking at the opening
screen. It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of the General
Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag.

It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver.  Also note the Recycle
Bin is labeled Outhouse, My Computer is called This Infernal
Contraption, Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys, Control Panel
is known as the Dern Dashboard,  Hard Drive is referred to as 4 wheel
drive, and floppies are them little ole plastic disc thangs.

Some name changes exclusive to winders 98
         Word processor  =  tiperiter
         Graphics viewer  =  colorin book
         Graphics file  =  pichers
         Calculator  =  addin mershene
         Notepad  =  scratch paper
         CD Player  =  juke-box
         Internet Explorer  =  coondog
         OK  =   ats aww-right
         cancel  =   nosir
         yes   =    yess'm
         no   =   naaaa
         error   =   a fine mess
         find   =    hunt-fer it
         go to   =   over yonder
         please wait  =  fixin to do sumthin
         back  =   back yonder
         help  =    hep
         start   =   crank it up
         shut down  =   ternit off
         settings  =   sittins
         programs  =   stuff at does stuff
         documents  =  stuff I done done

  Other features:  Instead of an error message you get a winder covered
  with a garbage bag and duct tape.

  Also note that winders 98 does not recognize capital letters or
  punctuation marks.

  Contents of My Documents:  National  Rifle Association mailing list;
  Remington Arms price list; Winchester price list; Smith & Wesson
  price list; Ford&Chevrolet dealers in GA by zip; Mobile home repair
  service by telephone number; Kmart locations by address and telephone
  number; family information (a 3 gig file); cuzzins I have slept with
  (see family tree); list of Bud dealers by zip code; NASCAR racing
  schedule; TV fishin show schedule; family dentist (empty file);
  family doctor (see listing for family vet).

  We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a
  copy of the Deep South edition.  You may return it to Microsoft for a
  replacement version.