>> KABINDA, ZAIRE -- In a move IBM offices are hailing as a major step in 
>> the company's ongoing worldwide telecommunications revolution, M'wana
>> Ndeti, a member of Zaire's Bantu tribe, used an IBM global uplink network 
>> modem yesterday to crush a nut.
>>
>> Ndeti, who spent 20 minutes trying to open the nut by hand, easily cracked 
>> it open by smashing it repeatedly with the powerful modem.
>>
>> "I could not crush the nut by myself", said the 47-year-old Ndeti, who 
>> added the savory nut to a thick, peanut-based soup minutes later.  "With 
>> IBM's help, I was able to break it".  Ndeti discovered the nut-breaking, 
>> 28.8 V.34 modem yesterday, when IBM was shooting a commercial in his
>> southwestern Zaire village.  During a break in shooting, which shows 
>> African villagers eagerly teleconferencing via computer with Japanese 
>> schoolchildren, Ndeti snuck onto the set and took the modem, which he 
>> believed would serve well as a "smashing" utensil.
>>
>> IBM officials were not surprised the longtime computer giant was able to 
>> provide Ndeti with practical soluctions to his everyday problems.  "Our 
>> telecommunications systems offer people all over the world global
>> networking solutions that fit their specific needs", said Herbert Ross, 
>> IBM's director of marketing.  "Whether you're a nun cloistered in an
>> Italian abbey or an Aborigine in Australia's Great Sandy Desert, IBM has 
>> the ideas to get you where you want to go today."
>>
>> According to Ndeti, of the modem's many powerful features, most
>> impressive was its hard plastic casing, which easily sustained several 
>> minutes of vigorous pounding against a large stone.  "I put the nut on a 
>> rock, and I hit it with the modem", Ndeti said.  "The modem did not
>> break.  It is a good modem."
>>
>> Ndeti was so impressed with the modem that he purchased a new, 
>> state-of-the-art IBM workstation, complete with a PowerPC 601
>> microprocessor, a quad-speed internal CD-ROM drive and three 16-bit
>> ethernet networking connectors.  The tribesman has already made good use 
>> of the computer system, fashioning a gazelle trap out of its wires, a
>> boat anchor out of the monitor and crude but effective weapon from its 
>> mouse.
>>
>> "This is a good computer", said Ndeti, carving up a just-captured gazelle 
>> with the computer's flat, sharp internal processing device.  "I am using 
>> every part of it.  I will cook this gazelle on the keyboard."
>>
>> Hours later, Ndeti capped off his delicious gazelle dinner by smoking the 
>> computer's 200-page owner's manual.
>>
>> IBM spokespeople praised Ndeti's choice of computers.  "We are pleased 
>> that the Bantu people are turning to IBM for their business needs", said 
>> company CEO William Allaire.  "From Kansas City to Kinshasa, IBM is
>> bringing the world closer together.  Our cutting-edge technology is truly 
>> creating a global village."